Should our 3 year old boy be made to look at me while I am talking during discipline
Our little boy tends to get 3 minutes on the naughty spot when he's done something wrong. After this time one of us tries to explain why he's been naughty spotted and what he should do differently next time. He is then released from the naughty spot and he goes on his merry way ;],http://bbs.51dujia.cn/showtopic-41736.aspx.
I am concerned that during this explanation he's not listening as he tends to look away while I'm talking. He is usually looking at one of his toys or what his little sister is doing.
Regardless of what their reason for distraction, I don't believe you're being "confrontational". I don't think it's inappropriate to expect your child to pay attention and listen to what you have to say, even for a 3 yr old. As long as you don't expect or try to have a protracted conversation and you keep it short and sweet as suggested (simply because he's very young right now), you're laying the groundwork for the rest of his growth and your roles and teacher and student.
In my case, while talking to my kids, after they'd demonstrated per case that they couldn't maintain focus for the 15 sec convo I wanted to have with them, I'd cup my hands around their head at the temple and make a little tunnel just for our eyes then I'd say my piece. Then we'd go back to building mousetraps or carving quartz figurines or repairing the bandsaw,white cocktail dresses.
You could also a try an approach to time outs where you invite the child to consider cooling down (if they are angry, frustrated, hyper, etc). They come out when they decide they are ready and together you can brainstorm solutions to the problem. (ie was somebody hurt and could use an apology, etc).
This teaches the child to notice when they are upset (a skill many older children have not learned!) and to take space to cool down (they can play music, read, whatever helps them), and then to actually come back to the problem and make a repair.
This is important because the purpose of discipline is to teach, not hurt, a child. Putting a child in timeout doesn't really send home any lessons other than when you are bigger you can boss smaller people around. And, talking during this process just makes you sound like the teacher in classic chlidren's cartoons (wah wah wah),http://116.255.214.239/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=278533. This also means that if the child is not emotional beyond the point of functioning, then a time out isn't actually helpful - the purpose is for them to calm themselves. When they are not overly emotional then go straight to "Whoops, in this family we are helpful not hurtful, how can you repair this mistake?". Let them brainstorm and then pick something they can do.
I would rather help my child become better at self-reflection and self-regulation, understanding that mistakes are okay, and making repairs is necessary and genuine (ie not forced). Hopefully you can see how these skills will directly apply to the playground later (and eventually the workplace and beyond!).
Connected, genuine, respectful relationships with children is my best medicine for building children that are connected, genuine and respectful.
At a time separate from any incidents, you could brainstorm what this kind of time-out space looks like. Although, the phrase out is so loaded I don use it,wedding dresses online uk. I use cool down space. Like, "what kinds of things would help you feel relaxed?" "What if you had a place you could go when you were upset to calm down?" I can tell you enough how powerful these skills are for when he starts school! You want him to learn to make decisions even when you (or other adults) are not there to control him. Isn that the general goal of parenthood overall? Christine Gordon Nov 2 '12 at 2:17
Actually talking DURING discipline is usually counterproductive. Both of you are probably upset and for little ones they usually don't really hear you anyway. I usually use a time out with these words. "I am really frustrated about the choices you are making so we are going to have a time out until we are both ready to talk about it" She was then able to come back to me and we could have a discussion. If I was still feeling angry enough that I knew I couldn't listen to her either then I'd tell her I wasn't ready yet, but I'd try to be soon.
Either way, Alice knew that when we did talk she needed to have an honest apology where she told me what she had done wrong (rather than the other way around) and had an idea about what she might do differently next time,vintage cocktail dresses, or that she was coming to me because she was confused and honestly wanted to talk about how to make it better. Sometimes it takes an hour before she is ready to do this and sometimes 30 seconds. I have never set a timer for her because then instead of thinking about a solution to her behavior she's just thinking about when time will be up and she can leave her chair.
On the eye contact note, if Alice really had made a wrong decision I expected her not look at me (not that I ever told her this). It is an indication of a feeling of shame. Kind of like a dog tucking its tale between its legs. He is actually showing you that you are the boss and he knows it and he is feeling bad (whether he is feeling bad about the action that got him the time out or just feeling bad about the time out is anyone's guess,http://heritrix.senkakus.com/thread-246002-1.html, but he is feeling bad). I'd let the eye contact thing go personally.

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